Motherhood’s Identity Shift

Something’s Different
Something about motherhood changes you. It’s not always so direct, not always so “in your face.” But, it is something that touches all parts of your life. Your priorities, your relationships and how you view and understand them. While it's beautiful and fulfilling in many ways, it also brings with it a quieter, more complicated truth: the sense of losing yourself.

This isn’t something people talk about often enough. The focus is almost always on the baby, and rarely on the mother navigating this profound shift in her identity. But the reality is, becoming a mother doesn’t just add something new to your life… it often means saying goodbye to parts of your old self. And that’s hard.

Grief and Joy Together

You might find yourself missing parts of yourself. Maybe the carefree part of yourself, the spontaneous self, maybe the self that found it much easier to plan. Part of you might wonder if you made the right choice, because surely it shouldn’t feel like you’ve lost part of yourself? The truth is: It’s okay to miss who you were before becoming a mother. To long for yourself and grieve that part of your identity. Postpartum is often a time of celebration. Celebrating the new baby and all that comes with it. It’s beautiful and wonderful. But we sometimes forget that it can also come with grief. Loss of normalcy. Maybe you had more freedom to pursue your passions or more time to nurture relationships. Maybe you felt clearer about who you were and what you wanted. And now? Life feels different, heavier, even unrecognizable at times.

Grieving your old self is a natural part of this transition. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child or cherish your role as a mother. It simply means you’re human. It’s important to honor that grief, to name it, and to remind yourself that letting go of one version of yourself doesn’t mean losing your identity altogether. You can feel both grief and celebration at the same time Honor both parts for both exist in the same space.

Finding Yourself

Rediscovering yourself after becoming a mother isn’t about trying to go back to who you were before. It’s about blending who you used to be with who you are now… finding a balance that feels true to you. And that’s not always easy.  Often times, being a mom means spending most of your time taking care of others, which leaves little time for you. That’s why small, intentional and mindful steps, can help you begin to reconnect with yourself.

Here are a few ways to begin that journey:

1. Acknowledge Your Grief Without Judgment

 It’s okay to miss the person you were before. Take a moment to sit with those feelings. Maybe even write them down. What do you miss most? Is it your spontaneity, your sense of freedom, or just the way life felt lighter? Grief isn’t a weakness… it’s a natural response to change. Honoring it is the first step toward healing.

2.  Reclaim Passions and Hobbies

   Think about the things that used to bring you small joys. Maybe it was something creative, like painting or writing. Or maybe it was something simple, like taking a long walk or reading a good book. Those parts of you didn’t disappear… they’re still there, waiting for you. Start small. Even 10 or 15 minutes a day is enough to remind you there’s things you enjoy to do.

3. Moments of Mindfulness

   Mindfulness doesn’t have to be a formal practice. It’s about being present, even for a moment. Maybe it’s enjoying a warm cup of coffee before the house wakes up. Or taking three deep breaths in the middle of a chaotic day. These little pauses can ground you… bringing you back to yourself in the here and now.

4. Lean on Community

   Motherhood can feel isolating, but you don’t have to do it alone. Finding people who truly get it… whether it’s a friend, a therapist, or a support group, can make all the difference. Sharing your story and hearing “me too” from someone else can remind you that your feelings are valid. You’re not alone.  Check out PSI Free Online Support Groups.

5. Prioritize Your Values

   Life doesn’t look the same as it did before, and that’s okay. Fulfillment  isn’t about checking off a long to-do list or meeting impossible standards. It’s about living in alignment with what matters to you. Maybe success and fulfillment today is simply showing up. Maybe it’s taking care of yourself as well as your child. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be good ENOUGH, and trying your best (whatever your best looks like that day) is enough.

Motherhood Doesn’t Have To Mean Losing Yourself

It’s okay to feel torn. It’s okay to miss who you were and still love who you’re becoming. Feeling overwhelmed or uncertain doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’re a person who is experiencing transition.

Motherhood isn’t about giving up who you are. It’s about growing into someone new… someone more layered and complex. It’s about holding space for the parts of yourself you thought you lost… while embracing the parts of yourself you never knew existed.

You’re not just “mom.” You’re still you… a whole, vibrant person with dreams, interests, and a voice that matters. And in the process of rediscovering yourself, you’re giving your child the gift of seeing what it means to live authentically. What could be more powerful than that?